Mad, infuriating love
by hvff11
Summary: Booth thinks over his actions at the end of "Verdict." He needs her to realize what she risked, and whose heart she was breaking.


_"Mad, infuriating love."_

_by Hvolt11_

_Rating: T_

_Spoilers: S3 up to Verdict.  
_

_Summary: Booth thinks over his actions and tries to tell Bones what she risked._

_A/N: There are so many post eps fics I really love, but I wanted to explore Booth's feelings after Verdict. If anyone was showing heart by what they did, it was him._

* * *

He reclined back in his desk chair, feet propped up on the desk. It was late and there was no one to come in and bark at him to stop staring into space and get to work. He smirked at the thought of following someone else's orders. He disobeyed so many that he was surprised he wasn't stripped of his badge yet. Everytime his boss came marching in his office he immediately thought up excuses for letting a felon go. Twice. And that was only the tip of the iceberg.

He believed in the badge, and everything it stood for. He believed in justice and doing the right thing. Protecting the weak. But, today he couldn't look into her piercing blue stare and be the protector he desperately needed to be. He felt the emotions bubbling to the surface when he inhaled the scent of her in his arms. Things were getting complicated again. There was a line. On the stand, he crossed it. He had to walk away.

"Hi," she spoke. He didn't even have to turn to see her there. He could smell her, feel her presence, and the tension that lie between them.

"You didn't come...," she remarked, moving towards where he was facing the window. He turned to face her, taking in her flushed cheeks from the chill in the air. There was a tiny crease in her forehead as her pretty face scrunched into a confused expression. _Now_, she needed him. Now, it was okay for him to take care of her. Make sure she was alright. _Not _earlier when he'd been forced to throw her to the wolves because it was what she wanted. And he always did what she wanted.

She studied him, perching against the side of his desk. The last drips of scotch sliding down the sides of his now empty glass. He followed her eyes, licking his lip involuntarily. "Want a drink?"

"No thank you, I had enough earlier," she answered, referring to the open invitation she'd extended to him to join her family for a celebratory dinner. He'd taken her hand and gave her a firm squeeze telling her maybe. She wasn't surprised when he didn't show. Her father said men like him live by certain codes, and he'd just broke his. What Max didn't tell her is that he had no doubt he'd do it again.

"Booth, I don't know how to thank you," she began, offering him a grateful smile. He sighed, tracing the edges of his glass to avoid looking at her.

"You don't have to," he shrugged, wishing the scotch would hit him faster. She had that look in her eye again. Like she was thinking with her heart. He could handle his feelings for 'Bones,' who spoke scientific mumbo-jumbo to him and didn't do anything without thinking it through. Temperance, was another story. That woman fell into his arms when she was weak, grew misty-eyed and senimental when holding little Andy in her arms, and locked eyes with him in ways that made his heart race.

"I know that I took a risk, but it was worth it," she pleaded, and suddenly something snapped inside of him.

"Bones, you're wrong...This is wrong," he muttered, pushing back in his chair restlessly.

"Booth, I couldn't let him...," She needed him to undersand. Her father stayed for her. Stopped running so he could spend time with her. She'd taken it for granted, and the possibility that he could be executed and she could've done something to prevent it wasn't an option. She didn't regret it.

"Look, I get it," he nodded, cutting her off. "It wasn't perjury, but dammit Bones... Do you know what would've...," he felt his throat tighten again at the thought of what she'd done.

"If it was someone besides Caroline...," he trailed off, clenching the arms of his chair so that his knuckles turned white. He took a slow deep breath trying to keep himself in check. She had no fucking idea what could've happened to her. What would be his fault if it happened to her.

"Forty-five minutes, Bones. Why couldn't you just say that _I_ had forty-five unaccounted minutes? They didn't know about Parker. It should've been me," he trailed off muttering more to himself than her.

She leaned closer to him, confused as to why he wasn't meeting her eye. "I don't know what..."

Suddenly, he released his grip on the chair and stood chest to chest with her. His expression no longer controlled. She stared, suddenly speechless.

"Do I have to say it? If you wanted me to take the fall... I would. I've broken so many laws I've lost count. Actually, that's a lie. I've broken at least four federal laws and thirteen state laws in the time I've known you. What's one more?" he laughed bitterly. He was a goddamn joke of an FBI agent.

"Booth," she reached for his hand, needing him to see her reasoning. "I couldn't do that to you. It was my choice. My risk."

"Don't you get it? I want you to do that to me!" he yanked his hand away, raking it through his tossled hair. "I've risked my job without you asking. You didn't have to do anything but look at me before I un-cuffed Russ and broke the law. I knew it was what you wanted. Hell, I'd probably do it again. You wanted me to be objective and do my job when it came to the trial. But, you and I both know that if you asked me to do something to help your father's case I'd do it. No questions asked."

"I respect you too much. I couldn't do that," she shook her head, taking a steady breath to slow the racing beat of her heart. He was standing so close to her, eyes never faltering from her own stare.

"Yes, you could," he confirmed, fierce determination shining in his eyes.

"I don't need you to protect me," hands on hips, she stared him down. He knew better than trying to intimidate her.

"Yes, you do," he practically growled in frustration. Annoyed at his alpha-male behavior she stepped so close to him she could feel his chest rise and fall. In her heels she met his eye level, challenging him.

"No, I don't," she leaned in closer, studying the way he was biting his bottom lip as she grew nearer and his resolve melted. "But, because of you I have my family back."

He sucked in a quick breath realizing he was blaming her for his fault. She was his weakness.

"Don't you ever make me implicate you in a murder charge, Bones," his eyes narrowed, but his voice lowered an octave, softening.

She didn't move, instead finding the racing pulse on his neck utterly fascinating. He held his breath watching her study him like bones on her table. Could she see through him? Did his chest rising with every quick breath he took tell her that he was madly, infuriatingly in love with her? He felt like his heart was on his sleeve.

Then he realized so was hers.

"You've got too much heart, Bones..." he muttered, raising a tentative hand to curl hers in and bring to his own rapidly beating heart. She felt his thump against her palm, the heat of him searing her fingertips.

"Are you mad at me?" she whispered, watching his thumb caress the back of her hand not daring to meet his eyes.

"No," he admitted in a gentler tone than he'd spoken with earlier. "You just... You scared me."

"I couldn't have done it without you," she looked up at him, feeling him squeeze her hand in his against his chest. She smiled, "You have a lot of heart too, Booth. Thank you."

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_Talk to me, Goose. Please let me know what you think. I wrestled with Booth's feelings after this ep. To my author's alert listers, thanks for the smutty thoughts. I put them to good use. _


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